My Portfolio.....kinda?

A friend once explained to me that we all have different ways of expressing emotion. I think one reason God gives us gifts is to use them as an outlet to let feelings go or to express emotion. I have never been much for fancy words so I can't write poetry. I am generally selfish so I'm not very sympathetic to be able to give others advice. I can't really sing and when I do it just makes me feel worse because I can't do it well. In just about every aspect of life I am inadequate. But, I don't believe (as much as I want to) that God has left me outlet-less. I am an extremely visual person, and I have recently found that putting my emotions on paper in pictures and not words is my 'escape,' if you will. I wanted to share these with you because it helps me a lot when said friends shares their feelings with me. So, if you would truly know my deep emotions then take these for what they are worth. Keep in mind I'm not a professional, and I usually don't like to show my stuff to other people. I'm kind of putting myself out there, so be kind. :)


"Indivisible"

There's a lot of turmoil and intolerance in our country. And not just to other countries, but to those within our own. What happened to "One nation, under God, indivisible"?


"Quiet Comfort"

"In the world of today there is at times a tendency to feel detached-even isolated-from the Giver of every good gift. We worry that we walk alone and ask, 'How can we cope?' What brings ultimate comfort to us is the gospel.
From the bed of pain, from the pillow wet with tears, we are lifted heavenward by that divine assurance and precious promise: 'I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee' (Joshua 1:5).
Such comfort is priceless as we journey along the pathway of mortality, with its many forks and turnings. Rarely is the assurance communicated by a flashing sign or a loud voice. Rather, the language of the Spirit is gentle, quiet, uplifting to the heart, and soothing to the soul."
-President Monson


"Cry Unto God"

The inspiration for this drawing (which is potentially my favorite) came from one of my best friends, to whom I owe a lot, although I know I can never pay him back. He has blessed my life in countless ways. One of which is to always intensify, by his example, my desire to have a closer relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. So by means of a 'subtitle' for this drawing, I'm choosing Alma 37:36 (modified) to give it a little more meaning.
"Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever."


This is just a drawing I did for RaNette, my awesome sister. I took the picture at their wedding and then drew it for their anniversary. As if couples don't have enough pictures of themselves in their houses. :)



This is just a self portrait of sorts.

A Piece of My Mind @ 2am about 2 Years Ago

I wrote this two years ago and I feel that it is still valid despite how much I have changed since then. Tacky? Maybe. But I approve of tacky for my first blog post :) And now without further delay.......:

"I was thinking about how life takes it's twists and turns. It doesn't give us what we expect and no matter how hard we try we can't control it. Even so, we continue to try to control it and to be the master of circumstances so that the future becomes what we envision and want it to be. I know a lot of people, myself included, who are very focused on being sure that their life is just what they want. They become distressed when they aren't doing things as fast as their projections say they should. The funny thing is that they also become distressed when things go faster than their projections. Distressed doesn't always mean unhappy. Sometimes it just means anxious and worried. I think we are distressed because it brings to our attention that we are not in control and might have to change our plans in some way. If our plans have to change then we wonder how it will affect our other plans and the plans of our family members and friends, and new friends, and even acquaintances and so forth and etc. Surprises and changes of plans are not comfortable for some. It is impossible to foresee every possible turn in the road ahead so even good surprises are distressing. Many of us don't even know what our vision of the future is, or at least we couldn't describe it if we tried, but yet we have a sense of our expectations. We also have a sense of when life is "getting away from us." We can feel when events are going in a direction that is unexpected.

I believe it is true that most of us try hard to avoid discomfort. It is why we only push our physical muscles until they are tired and then we stop. Of course we know that they don't grow until we push them to new limits, but in our everyday life we forget that. We develop coping mechanisms to avoid discomfort. Emotionally it is difficult for some of us to be social, because we have the perception that we present ourselves badly. For others, it is emotionally difficult to be quiet because they have the perception that if they are not in the center of the crowd, they are being left out or ignored. Sometimes we avoid the pain of rejection by not opening ourselves up to the possibility of acceptance. We often procrastinate decisions because we know that they will bring change and that means discomfort. Sometimes we avoid the adventure because it is inconvenient.

We develop our comfort mechanisms as we go. I think that most of the time we do it unconsciously. For why would anyone pass up a growing experience on purpose? What we see is what is right in front of us so if it looks uncomfortable we avoid it. This brings me to what I really wanted to say in the first place. We can't control life, but we can have faith in our life and in our future and in our Father in Heaven. My life is not at all like I imagined it would be. I probably won't have the career I expected to have, but won't be able to imagine doing anything else. I probably won't go on a mission to the place I want to go, but will love where I go. I won't live where I expected to live and then I will hope I never move from here. The things I love to do are not the things I thought I would love. I wouldn't change any of it and so I'm sure that if I had been able to control my circumstances I would have messed it up really bad. I hope I'm beginning to learn to live by faith. I hope I'm beginning to learn to trust the Savior and understand that He is the one who is really in charge. If He surprises me with a change, or an unexpected call to serve in a place where I didn't already dream I'd go, then I hope I don't run from the discomfort of a new thing. I hope I will be able to see clearly enough to know that there is good there.

I think all of this has a little bit to do with time and eternity and it's effects on our mentality. Someday I'll write about that but for tonight I just hope you are all safe and happy."